I Fired My Therapist Today
I fired my therapist today because I think...
I fired my therapist today.
I told her I thought we’d be better off as friends.
Not quite the outcome of most therapist-client relationships, I’m sure, but how else could I communicate, “I would love to have you in my life, just not in this way anymore.”
The decision didn’t come easy, but I knew it was necessary for my personal growth.
She has graciously walked with me through one of the hardest seasons I’ve experienced as an adult, but once all the fires were under control and I was ready to dig into deeper things, I found us going in circles.
I started processing my feelings and experiences from therapy with a couple trusted people for the past couple months.
They’d affirm my sentiments weren’t off-based. They even asked a couple times in disbelief, “You’re still seeing her?”
I was. Because I liked her, and maybe it’s me? Maybe I need to ask her to help me differently? Or perhaps I should change how I engage?
But inevitably, it became more and more clear I was no longer getting the type of help I was looking for.
So today, I finally did it…
“I think it’s time for me to end this arrangement and find another therapist,” I said.
She was surprised.
I continued, “I know there are rules and things, but what if I don’t care about the rules and I choose to be your friend? Is that possible?”
“Why do you feel it’s time to see someone else?” she asked.
I felt like I was breaking up with a boyfriend.
“Well,” I explained, “you’ve been great at helping me navigate all we were going through when we first started seeing you. And you have definitely helped me see the importance in finding my voice and speaking up. I am growing in those areas, but I really need to address some spiritual and religious things and I don’t think you’re the best person to do that with.”
“I think you’re right,” she said.
She explained her limitations because of her personal upbringing in a different sect of faith (Catholicism). She’s also not native to Texas so coming here and visiting all the large black churches overwhelmed her.
Her knowledge and understanding of the church world that raised and shaped me was so foreign to her that on a few occasions, I found myself teaching and giving insight instead of processing what I needed to process.
There were a couple times I felt her advice directly opposed what I believe I’m called to do as a believer. This was never her intention, of course, but our convictions are different and that’s totally okay.
Convictions are a whole other topic…cause most of the ones I have are much more conservative than many of my friends.
I’m like, “Jesus! I want to play too!!”
Simple Sidenote Case & Point: I LOVED watching a series called, The Morning Show. It was fascinating, especially because of my history with working in live television for six years. So many things about the show intrigued me. I was HOOKED and enjoing every episode…by the time I got to episode two of Season Two, literally as I’m watching, I hear Holy Spirit say, “you don’t need to watch this anymore. This is a waste of your time.”
“What? I just want to zone out and relax! What is the problem with watching this show? And the story is so good and juicy!” I retorted.
“Don’t watch it anymore.”
I was CRUSHED!
Specific scenes flashed across my mind, feelings I felt, thoughts I’d had while watching, all seemed to surface in an instant and that was it.
I never finished that episode nor any after.
I stopped watching because of personal conviction.
Now, this doesn’t mean I can’t watch anything— so far Abbott Elementary and Bel-Air are still on my “can watch list,”— but similar experiences have happened to me with other shows.
Back to the topic at hand…
I fired my therapist today because I think we’d be better off as friends.
“What does that look like to you?” she asked.
“Umm, I don’t know. Nothing super formal, but you’re a business owner, I love talking business with other owners. You’re reading a book I recommended. I love to hear how that’s going! I’m not expecting you to kick it at our house or anything, but we can keep in touch and see what organically becomes of it.”
She nodded.
Is she nodding like she agrees or is she thinking “girl, I don’t want to be your friend!”
I didn’t press in to see which it meant so I decided to continue, “Now I can share the speaking engagement video you asked to see! I can let me guard down. I didn’t want to share it because I didn’t want you to see my other posts and be informed about me beyond what I wanted to discuss in session.”
She understood my position.
There are so many layers to finding a good therapist. If you’d asked me a year ago if the therapist being of the same or similar sect of Christianity was a dealbreaker, I would have said “absolutely no, if they’re great at what they do, it doesn’t matter.”
But now, I’m not so sure. I know I need someone who understands my past and present positions better but will it always be this way or is that just for this part of my journey?
Is it normal to switch therapists this much in life?
Do other people become friends with their therapists?
Maybe it’s me, I might be the problem…
Now I need therapy to process my history of going to therapy!
Jesus be a fence cause this is feeling never-ending.
And perhaps that’s the point of it.
We never really find the end of the thing because the thing is always morphing into a new thing.
We may find some resolve in one area, but life will faithfully bring up another.
So where does all this leave me?
Well, I think I’ll borrow my therapist’s final parting words to me…
“I’ve learned a lot.”
Me too, me…too.
Let’s Talk:
Have you ever ended a professional relationship because it was no longer serving your growth? What factors do you consider most important when finding the right fit - whether with a therapist, coach, or mentor? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments below.